In recent news, Earl Thomas, was held at gun point by his wife for cheating. According to court documents, after an argument at home with some drinking involved, Earl was picked up by his brother, Seth Thomas. Nina, the wife of Earl later claims that she saw a post on SNAPCHAT with her husband and another woman. She then found his location by using this app. Side note: I can attest to that fact about this app, if your location isn’t off, people can easily find you. TURN YOUR DAMN LOCATIONS OFF. Moments later, after rallying friends up to join her for this escapade, Nina arrived to an airbnb rental where Earl and his bother were at. She found these brothers in the bed naked with other women. And that’s when the fire got hot. Police say when they arrived they saw a woman in an orange sweater chasing a black male.
When I read this story, the first thing that came to my mind was TOXIC FEMININITY. Yeah dammit, I said it. And as the Atlanta rapper, Bone Crusher would say , “I aint never scared.” So here goes. Let me talk my shit and if it stank it’s fine because even Outkast once said, “Roses really smell like boo boo ooh ooh.” Okay, I’m obviously having too much fun with these Atlanta music references but you get my point. And for the record, I am in no way attempting to be dismissive of anyone’s experience or trauma but come on. When we gone address it and call bullshit? I made a post on my facebook recently and asked WHY DON’T WE TALK ABOUT TOXIC FEMININITY AS MUCH AS WE TALK ABOUT TOXIC MASCULINITY? Many women came ready as usual to man bash. They shared responses like, “Because toxic femininity is only a reaction to toxic masculinity” and “Because toxic femininity doesn’t result in death.” So while reading these comments, I’m scratching my head because it sounds a lot like these women are trying to justify behaviors of their counterparts because they think they have a different result and quite honestly, they’re playing a big ass blame game. Well, I don’t want to play no more. This shit is serious. Yeah, it’s true that men have abused their significant others physically and emotionally for centuries.
But reality is, women have contributed the same type of pain if not deeper to men; emotional trauma, physical abuse, emasculation and death too. I’ve heard so many women refer to men in their faces as bitches, hoe ass niggas, weak, dog. I’ve seen women belittle men for their contributions as providers and protectors. I’ve seen women threaten men with humiliation by way of exposing their darkest secrets and vulnerability that I’m sure it took a lot for these men to express. Especially while existing in a society where the only emotions men are allowed to express is anger and pride. I’ve seen and experienced women who will slap, punch, kick and even spit in the faces of men and expect no response or become the victim when he does responds. Then the world joins in to crucify him even more. I’ve seen and experienced women who use children to challenge a man’s way of life with threats of child support and forcing continuous intercourse in exchange.
To further my thought, in a 2018 article titled Women vs Women: 'Toxic femininity' is Real, And it's Time to Talk About it, Asavari Singh makes a powerful point, “Is there such a thing as toxic femininity? I believe there is, and it takes many forms. It’s the manager who verbally abuses teammates and then blames pre-menstrual syndrome, it’s the lover who withholds sex until she gets her way about a vacation, it’s the counsellor who empathizes so deeply with a client that she tells her to file a false rape case. Toxic femininity is when women use their gender to obtain certain privileges. It is when noxious, indirect modes of confrontation are masked with gentleness. It is when empathy turns into ethical shortsightedness. Just like toxic masculinity, toxic femininity is the product of a deeply patriarchal society and systems and thus requires greater examination.” In other words, women can be mean and evil as hell. The old proverb says it perfectly, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”
For as long as I can remember, women have endured the sharing of their men involuntarily. And apparently they are more traumatized than we knew or acknowledged. Or maybe they’re just more entitled and more possessive than they should be. Reality is, no human being belongs, in absolute, to any other human. And it’s not women’s fault at all, that they’ve been programmed and convinced to believe that THEIR MAN forever and always should only have sexual or emotional desires for them and not act on their desires for other women. It’s unfortunate that religious ideologies and social pressures have made such behaviors of men and many women too, so taboo. Side note: We really need to take time to understand the true nature of men and women too because it is my logical thought and deep belief that we are all doing it wrong. Now, back to the point. As a result of men “CHEATING” women often find themselves questioning their value, having low self-esteem, reacting by having sexual interactions to get even and as we just saw recently with Nina Thomas, aiming loaded guns at the heads of their husbands.
None of this is healthy. To add insult to injury, today on social media, I searched EARL THOMAS NFL PLAYER WIFE and to no surprise, I saw at least 30 women cheering on the behaviors on Nina Thomas. Saying things like, “That’s what he get,” “She did it right,” “Free Nina,” “She should’ve shot his ass,” and trust me, the comments got worse and more toxic as I read further. This is okay though, because men deserve no sympathy in a feminist society. I may get in trouble for that statement but point out the lie and I probably won’t apologize. Insert blank face here. Let me say this one more time if I haven’t made it clear. Nina’s behavior is in no way okay or justifiable. Do not teach your daughters that such reactions hold merit. If you personally disagree with a man being polygamist in your monogamist relationship, then handle it accordingly in a way that doesn’t destruct.
Women, it is no secret that you all are the most amazing creations God ever made. To be honest, I wouldn’t want a world without you. I love you all for real. No, none of us are perfect either and will never be no matter how hard we strive to be. But with all my heart I challenge you to be aware of your behaviors and their affects. Your words, your actions, your indirect shots, your microagression has a way of penetrating us men deeply and we are hurting from it. Regardless of what mainstream media has said about us, we cry too. We’re vulnerable. We, too, have trauma from past experiences and need healing. We need a safe place. Handle us softly and gentle like. Let’s acknowledge that a spiritual work needs to be done and a change won’t happen until you all aggressively acknowledge the problem at hand and the major role that you as women play in it. Don’t be the woman who literally reads this entire article only to respond with emotionally based information about men and how we do this and do that. Focus on the message and just hear it, taste it, chew on it, swallow the truth in it, digest it and if it doesn’t sit well in your stomach even after, shit it out and keep believing you aren’t toxic. But if you’re able to find some value in this read, allow it to stick to your bones like good meat. Again, I love y’all and let’s continue to build. Peace and love.
